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2009-6-29
星期一(Monday)
晴
懒了一周，终于要忙起来了，赶紧把欠的东西补一补。补完当然不可能，只盼少忘记一些便是了。  Waiting for Godot，回国之前便看了的，也是第一次和同学看show。卡着点去买的学生票，居然坐到了有史以来我坐过的最好座位，人品啊！戈多算是熟悉的剧目了，读过剧本，看过国内任鸣的版本，所以话语虽然密集，听得也并不吃力。效果么……不好讲。去之前听说很funny，实际也很funny。但也许是演员表现的太圆熟，反而生出疏离感——笑虽然笑了，但转过头去，又觉得什么都没听到，亦什么也未看到。或是我自己的问题？  A Midsummer Night's Dream。因为一直想着要看场芭蕾，回来第二天就巴巴的把票定了，其实订的急了。和话剧的形势比起来，感觉芭蕾的表现比较凌乱。而且没有想到第一幕就把所有的情节交待完了，第二幕不过是群舞。可怜的老D，时差还没有倒过来，只看的七七八八。问他什么，无非记得一头驴子。其实还算lovely的演出，蛮适合仲夏夜看。 2009-6-27
星期六(Saturday)
晴
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one Who will dance on the floor in the round She said I am the one, who will dance on the floor in the round She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one Who will dance on the floor in the round People always told me be careful of what you do And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts And mother always told me be careful of who you love And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth Billie Jean is not my lover She's just a girl who claims that I am the one But the kid is not my son She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son For forty days and for forty nights The law was on her side But who can stand when she's in demand Her schemes and plans 'Cause we danced on the floor in the round So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice (Do think twice) She told my baby we'd danced till three, then she looked at me Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine (oh, no!) 'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby People always told me be careful of what you do And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts She came and stood right by me Then the smell of sweet perfume This happened much too soon She called me to her room Billie Jean is not my lover She's just a girl who claims that I am the one But the kid is not my son Billie Jean is not my lover She's just a girl who claims that I am the one But the kid is not my son She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son Billie Jean is not my lover She's just a girl who claims that I am the one But the kid is not my son She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son She says I am the one Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is Billie Jean is Billie Jean is Not my lover Not my lover Not my lover Not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl) Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl) Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl) Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl) Billie Jean is Billie Jean is Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is Billie Jean is Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is not my lover Billie Jean is Billie Jean is ——Michael Jackson，Billie Jean 歌词真老长啊。不过无所谓吧，谁让是Billie Jean呢？谁让是Michael Jackson呢？谁让是Motown 25th Anniversary上Michael Jackson演唱的Billie Jean呢？ 昨天一时兴起决定去中央公园排第十二夜的票，结果哪想到是它的opening night。虽然说晚上六点半才发票，早上七点就开始有人排队，等我到时，前面已经有二百号人了。不过既然来了，就等吧，谁知到了六点半，staff又改口，说要等到最后才发票，也就是说，要到八点…… 这时，排在我后面的那个女生忽然说，“Michael Jackson is dead”。 “什么？”我问。 “Michael Jackson is dead。”她又重复了一遍。 听起来那么不真实的，就好像现在的我，站在公园里面排在二百人外面等着看一场free show一样不真实。 “什么时候的事？” “半个小时以前”，再后面的一个男生，刚才一直在看IPhone的，说，“心脏病。”他又耸耸肩，“也难怪，这么多plastic surgery，他应该也没什么时间锻炼。” 我也笑了，却勉强，他应该和我不是一代人吧。记得小学的时候，我们班那些男生一边刷牙一边学太空步，他们也会这么说么？ 今年三月的时候，我在电梯口的电视上看到Michael Jackson宣布复出，要在London举行演唱会，不禁高兴的打电话给老D，说想不到咱们还能这么幸运，不仅看到了麦姐姐的演唱会，没准还能赶上Jackson的——虽然在伦敦，但是他说可能会扩展到世界巡回，再讲了，伦敦的机票也不贵…… 全都是如意算盘啊。 不过话说回来，他活着的时候总是倒霉，这也算个好的谢幕吧。 In memory of MJ. 2009-6-25
星期四(Thursday)
晴
接到老D表姐去世的消息，我们正准备去会朋友，商量到西藏旅游的行程。临出门前想起所谓的隔离期已经过了，也可以串亲戚去，于是打电话给老D的大姑妈约时间。表哥接的电话，说大姑妈还在城里。忽然，他问， 表姐的事情你知道么？ 老D有点错愕，问，难道最近有什么新情况？ 大表哥接着说，表姐生病你知道吧？ 知道啊。 她加州时间今天早上去世了。 老D握着电话，我们两个都有些吃惊。在美国的时候我们天天跟加州打电话，也知道情况不好。 但是知道情况不好和真正去世可是相差千里。 因为正要出门，也没有时间细想，只是把计划中从峨嵋到天津的机票改成到北京的机票。预计二姑妈很快就会从加州回来，这样好歹能在回美国之前和从她见上一面。 在西藏的时候，一直忙着头疼。偶尔和老D说起表姐，也并不觉得她已经去世。 因为她住加州，我们也不是天天见。虽然最近两年总是一起出去玩，但忙起来，几年不见也属正常。 现在就算我们都在忙的时候吧。 记得我一月份从加州回来，第二天给她电话，问她有没有去医院，她说约的下午见医生。然后她就笑我做事拖沓，说你就不能麻利点么。我说并不是不麻利啊，只是因为不想做才拖沓。 晚上打电话说检查结果要星期五才出来。 星期五我们专业有一个会，开会间隙又打电话过去。因为是上午，并没有预计结果会出来，谁想到表姐马上接了电话。她的声音听起来总是兴高采烈的，说，哎呀，是癌症，再过半个小时就要进手术室了呢。因为现在得癌症的很多，虽然有点受罪，但还是好了的人多，于是我们就故作轻松的聊了聊，包括刀口长什么样可以穿比基尼之类。 后来做了手术，情况一直不是很好，就没有再打。 其中中间有一个星期医院说她情况好很多，于是转到康复中心。她和小姑打电话，我在旁边听着，没有插话。怕她说话太多了累到。 回头想想，当时为什么我不再和她多说两句呢？那天大家那么高兴的。 我们在加州带着老D妈妈和二姑玩的时候还挺好。3000多公里，表姐开了有一半，就是最后一天她觉得不舒服，才是老D开的。 还有去年夏天，也就是这个时候，她带着两个姑娘在我们纽约家里，正赶上我们搬家，老D上班，我在一楼佯装洗衣服，其实是看着楼上一堆垃圾脑袋疼，洗完衣服上来，发现她都帮我把家具放好了。有几个破玩意儿，她嫌我们累赘，要帮我们扔了，我扣门，又偷偷捡回来。 转天去Cape Code的时候，她和老D开玩笑，你知道你三岁的时候来我们家说过什么？你坐在我旁边，和人似的，说，表姐啊，你咋长得这么老气横秋呢？我们于是大笑，老D三岁的时候，表姐也就十四岁吧。我问，那你说什么了？表姐说，我当时啥都没说啊，可这都二十多年了。你现在要是那个椅子扔了，我倒可以把它忘一忘。一个星期后我们从波士顿回来，麻利地就把那几个破烂扔了。 这纽约加波士顿，Cape Code游，前前后后也有两个星期吧。就是那个时候，她教我包馄饨和银鱼炒苦瓜，现在还老做的。 大前年感恩节，表姐表姐夫第一次带着孩子来纽约。老D非要招呼到我们家吃饭，哪承想，感恩节饭馆全不开门，偏我们家那周也没买菜。结果大人孩子六个人只好蹲在家里吃通心粉，我做sauce的时候放了很多蘑菇进去，两个娃还不吃蘑菇。招待的要多失败有多失败。好在想，这些事情，以后还有机会。 二姑妈带回来的表姐照片，穿的还是我们一起玩的时候穿的衣服，两手交叉着伸在前面，看起来还是兴高采烈。我拿起来左端详右端详，她怎么就一点不显老呢，小时候什么样子现在还什么样，甚至更好看。 后来我们看video, 在金门大桥的海葬，几个孩子在船上抢Cookie吃，后来又放蝴蝶，无忧无虑 的样子。 再后来在北京开告别会，我们又回到纽约了。前前后后的，都没赶上。不过这样，愈发觉得大家只是忙，没有机会聚在一起罢了。 有时候收拾东西，想起这件是她帮我放的，那件是她送给我的，也会忍不住掉眼泪。但转念想， 逝于华年，也未尝不好。 PS：犹犹豫豫要不要写，拖了这么久，还是放上来吧。也算一件事情告一段落。新生活重新开始。 2009-6-25
星期四(Thursday)
晴
When I was seventeen It was a very good year It was a very good year for small town girls And soft summer nights We'd hide from the lights On the village green When I was seventeen When I was twenty-one It was a very good year It was a very good year for city girls Who lived up the stair With all that perfumed hair And it came undone When I was twenty-one When I was thirty-five It was a very good year It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls Of independent means We'd ride in limousines And their chauffeurs would drive When I was thirty-five But now the days grow short I'm in the autumn of my years And I think of my life as vintage wine From fine old kegs From the brim to the dregs And it poured sweet and clear It was a very good year ——It was a very good year, Ray Charles & Willie Nelson 在家里闷了近一个星期，无非是收拾换季衣服，整理自去年搬家来就未整理的closet，做两个自己喜欢的菜，包点馄饨冻在冰箱里当早饭吃。几件事情，做做歇歇，中间又找了几部想看许久又一直没有得空的电影看看。休假这件事，果然是几个星期出门乱晃，再留几日在家休养生息，才算惬意。 却什么都不想写，年初的加州游一字未动，这次的西藏行又全权交给老D。 有一些不满意，可这不满意在哪里又说不出。 稀薄，是稀薄吧? 修课，写论文，参加seminar，看show，出门旅游，和朋友聚会，看似稠密的生活，为什么会稀薄呢？ 昨天在blog上翻6月24日记，发现上次也是唯一的一次写，已然是2006。后来几年，虽然也有这样或那样得感想，却只是因为懒，未曾记。而今年，连感慨也无。 可是当年的那些话，真让自己吃惊，原来曾经这样想。为什么短短几年，竟忘得干干净净？这次回国看到菁菁，我光呱拉呱拉说让她找男朋友的事情，也忘记了，我们说过这样的话。 时间真是奇怪的东西。 既然无话可说，就不妨说快乐吧。 自己对自己说的话，应该认真履行。 PS：City果然是个消磨人意志的地方，还是我本身就意志超级薄弱？ 2009-5-4
星期一(Monday)
小雨
Satellite in my eyes Like a diamond in the sky How I wonder Satellite strung from the moon And the world your balloon Peeping Tom for the mother station Winter's cold, spring erases And the calm away by the storm is chasing Everything good needs replacing Look up, look down all around, satellite Satellite headlines read Someone's secrets you've seen Eyes and ears have been Satellite dish in my yard Tell me more, tell me more Who's the king of your satellite castle? Winter's cold, spring erases And the calm away by the storm is chasing Everything good needs replacing Look up, look down all around, hey satellite Rest high above the clouds; no restriction Television we bounce 'round the world And while I spend these hours Five senses reeling I laugh about the weatherman's satellite eyes Satellite in my eyes Like a diamond in the sky How I wonder Satellite strung from the moon And the world your balloon Peeping Tom for the mother station Winter's cold, spring erases And the calm away by the storm is chasing Everything good needs replacing Look up, look down all around, hey satellite Rest high above the clouds; no restriction Television we bounce 'round the world And while I spend these hours Five Senses Reeling I laugh about the weatherman's satellite eyes --Dave Matthews Band, Satellite 其实也没啥可写的，不过歌都选好很久了，再不写就忘了。 从星期五直到今天晚上，只读了一篇paper。就那么三十几页纸，都快揉烂了，也没整明白到底是个啥意思——可见这一年真是啥也没学会。因为没有考试，不明白的东西就这么一直得过且过的不明白下去；大家做的东西也不同，巴巴的去找人家说自己的东西，怕又是极trivial的，也拉不下脸。 可今天这个不行，过两天就要present了，连个边儿都摸不到，下雨，学校里面也没个人。最后实在没辄，开始四处打电话给同学，说你们不愿意来就让我去你们家问问题吧。自己也知道是个很没边的事儿，不过是乱投医罢了。于是跑到莱奥家，把东西扔给他，和他媳妇喝茶聊天，可是莱奥也看不懂。我们都没有学过啊，他也不做这个，硬生生的塞过来，谁又能知道讲什么呢？不过还是有帮助，我给他解释的过程中，自己好像还是多明白一点，虽然只是一点，也总比自己在蒙头看得好些。我们老师总是说多talk，多talk，Varian说，哪怕是和你的猫阿狗阿的多talk，都是有好处的。不过说话是要make efforts的，我就总懒下去。 老D说哎呀，你写Dave Matthews Band，我最想看的乐队阿。我知道老D有一个很想看现场的乐队，但是总忘记是什么，现在才算记住。我最想看的现场是谁呢？前三甲：Rage again the machine, Radiohead 和Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 2009-5-2
星期六(Saturday)
晴
I was found on the ground by the fountain At Valder Fields And was almost dry Lying in the sun after I had tried To climb over the wall of the fountainside We had agreed that the council should end at three hours over time Shoelaces were tied at the traffic lights i was running late i could apply for another one I guess They say that department stores are best But that there would be some delays And only temporary pay She was found on the ground in a gown made at Valder Fields And was sound asleep On the stairs above the door To the man who cried When he said that he loved his life We had agreed that the council should take his keys to the bedroom door In case he slept outside and was found in two days In Valder Fields with a mountain view... ——Tamas Wells， Valder Fields 实在是非常面的一首歌，我都很难想象是一个胡子拉碴的白人汉子在唱，倒是挺适合高中小男生在草坪上或者女生宿舍跟前弹弹，泡泡小MM。从这个角度来说，还是蛮好听的~ 最近情绪控制得不好，杂事太多，总是很烦躁。 还是应该好好学习，天天向上。 2009-4-24
星期五(Friday)
晴
"Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:") Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:" Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh! Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!" Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry! "'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry! Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no! 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right! /fadeout/ ——Bob Marley，Everythings Gonna Be Alright 最近又开始感觉比较blue，可能是因为事情太多，扑面而来，免不得手忙脚乱。今天上午整完一个presentation，其实准备了很久，slides自己也觉得写得还好（连老D都说还好），但是一开始就被一个概念的提问打乱了，虽然最后证明我是对的，但是耽误了很多时间，后面的results囫囵吞枣就带过去了，非常失败。 中午赶去upper east买东西，出了车站便是中央公园，果然春天到了，草绿了，花开了，湖水也媚了，满眼满眼乌秧的人，对比起来，downtown果然是人烟稀少的地方啊。可惜也没来得及细看，直奔商店，然后就又赶回去上课了。 两年或者三年前在R校的时候，忘记是准备考试还是在写论文，紧紧张张的。当时总是罗姆一起在他们的休息室看书，他说，TT，别担心，一切都会好的。然后他问，你知道那首歌么，Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right。我很土鳖，当然不知道。 今天坐在阳光里，想起这首歌，于是在youtube上搜。真是费劲阿，我既不知道是谁唱的，也不知道歌名，就凭Don't worry, everythings gonna be all right 搜出二三十首歌来，只得挨个听。直听到十几首，才找到当年罗姆哼过的这两句。 因为是朋友唱过，自然比其他的Alright听起来都贴心。 顺便祝老D同学考试顺利。 2009-4-21
星期二(Tuesday)
大雨
I've hardly seen her likes before Somewhere else Nowhere else before The girl in the spotlight evermore Like no one before Forever more Bloody Marys, two for tea Bubble bath and TV All the boys from rock and roll Sometimes she likes soul No one sees her lift a finger What a singer What a dancer What a sinner Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy All my work, for what it's worth Won't do me none Can make you feel so right All those wins are a loss Can't be a winner If she's never lost Her success is divine Well, I work for mine Daytime is a tragedy But now it smells like victory Who does she think she is? What a singer What a dancer What a sinner She leaves the world in envy All is now, no maybe No one's left untouched She's so fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy Fabulously lazy ——Franz Ferdinand, Fabulously lazy 今天诸事不顺，基本想干的事情一样也没有干成，包括 两个appointment，白说了半天话，除了把我周末的idea都否定了，没有任何建设性的意见； 要钱两次，被否； 给系里的两个秘书各写信问点事情，不回； 去图书馆要dataset，只给了一丁点budget，还说好每次去的时候必须有人看着我干； 和上周末洗牙的那个诊所前台打电话，因为是朋友，告诉我实情，几乎每个去的人都会被按住补上三颗牙，半年照一次片子，NND，这都什么黑店啊~~连老D同学这样从来不抱怨的都觉得看不下去了——找一个合适的大夫真是难啊。记得原来的地方牙医，眼科医生都挺好的。不过现在回去还要开车一个多小时，过路费过桥费也不少花。 有人推荐牙医么？ 2009-4-20
星期一(Monday)
阴
Lies and love, lies, love Bed wetting son of the great heat It's all over me, it's all under me The face ain't making what the mouth needs Wonder more, want more Than we did before, try the new tease Well, quiet you, get over me The shit is running and it runs deep I'm way out, way out, way out, way out When you mean it on the inside you still can't get to me, to me Fits around me so tight, no Fits around me so tight, no Fits around me so tight, no Fits around me so tight, no It fits around me, fits around me Fits around me, fits around me Fits around me, fits around me Fits around me, fits around me I'm way out, way out, way out, way out When you mean it on the inside you still can't get to me, to me ——Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Way Out 真躁啊，来点带劲的吧。 你们一个一个都不吱声，我要急了阿~ 2009-4-19
星期日(Sunday)
晴
So the saying says An elephant never forgets Standing in the concrete cave Swaying side and sing They walked over the ocean And their dreams they dreamed awake Until the lights grew dim Until the cop cars came Everybody tells me this is crazy, yes I know But I'm a man man man man man man man eater But still you're surprised prised prised when I eat ya You know they call them killer whales But you seem suprised When it pinned you down to the bottom of the tank Where you can't turn around It took half your leg and both your lungs And I craved I ate hearts of sharks, I know you know it I'm a man man man man, man man man eater But still you're surprised prised prised when I eat ya X2 It will end again in moonlit song It will end again in moonlit song ——Neko Case, People Got A Lotta Nerve 上上个星期写程序的时候一直在听Tori Amos，原来在国内的时候她就火了，但是一直没有认真听过，这次翻出来好几张专辑顺序联播，还很有意思。原来我干活的时候总是干一会就去翻点新东西听，听她倒还坐得住。可能是她的专辑多，东西又比较多元化，并没有单调的感觉。当然什么东西连着听一个星期都比较难过 :( 听得太多了，反而挑不出写什么。罢了，把三月份的一张专辑拿出来，Neko case的Middle Cyclone。其实还不错，只是我个人偏好古怪精灵的东西，Neko对我来说太natural了，入不了心肺。 星期五的时候还看了the Reader。原来一直听说好，看了果然是的。故事既不多一分，也未少一分，恰恰好的水流渠成。不过还是很惭愧，那么好的天气，躲在家里本来说写slides的，结果Amazon的碟一送到，就什么都不顾了——自制力啊~~ 很想写点什么，不过明天还有appointment，下两个星期还有四个presentation，还是等忙过这阵子。 Neko的歌，也没有说她什么。其实Middle Cyclone还不错的，可以听一听。我也喜欢她这张照片。  |
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